Zinger Stoneheart

King of the movie quotes, Zinger is one of my few friends who is able to fully appreciate comedic masterpieces such as UHF and Kung-Pow: Enter the Fist! Zinger serves as my source for new music, weird websites, and odd news bits. Married to Pooh-Bear.

Affiliations: Parkerites, PFL

Memorable Catchphrases:
"You're killing me, Smalls."
"You can't manufacture inspirado."
"Chicken pot, chicken pot, chicken pot pie."


Signifcant Storylines:
Meet the Parkerites
The Secret Origin of Cap'n Neurotic
Dress Shoes of Doom
Valentine's Day Meal Massacre
"Ohhhh, in-X-s!" The Cap'n Neurotic Cheet Sheet Parkerite Edition
"Sometimes I Doubt Your Commitment to Sparkle Motion"
At Times Like These, I'm Tempted to *Not* Post Out of Sheer Spite
What, Me Random?
Mid-Week Ramblings
Little Bit of This, Little Bit of That

Flunky Lover

(a.k.a. Snoop, Shadow Queen)

One of the most straightforward people I know, sometimes brutally so, which is one of the things I like most about her; you never have to wonder about where you stand. Married to Flunky; we all know that she's the real brains behind the world domination thing, but don't like to say anything so Flunky feels better about himself.

Affiliations: Parkerites, PFL

Significant storylines:
Meet the Parkerites
Booktalk with Flunky Lover

Flunky (and Spawn)

(a.k.a. Nature Boy, Flunkrow, Jackass)


One of my best friends from college, Army officer Flunky has returned to active duty after several years in the private sector nearly drove him insane. Currently stationed in Maryland, Flunky got his nickname courtesy of my grandmother, who couldn't remember his real name. Pathologically averse to returning emails. Plans to use the hypnotic cuteness of his eldest spawn to aide in his long-standing plans for world conquest. Married to Flunky Lover.

Affiliations: Parkerites, Roomies, PFL

Memorable Catchphrases:
"Jackass!"
"Stop. Stop. Please stop."
"Who wants to play Axis and Allies?"
"Facepaint. Faaaaaacepaint."

Significant Storylines:
The Secret Origin of Cap'n Neurotic
Kneel! Kneel Before the Spawn of Flunky!
Meet the Parkerites Pt.1
Some of My Best Friends Are Power-Hungry World-Conquerors
Crisis on Earth-K!
Flunky Flashback Five-by-Five . . . by Five
You, Sir, Are an Ass
Just a Perfect Blendship Pt.2: B.F.F.
Later, When Chris Berman Would Remark on the "Rasputins of Football" It Would Conjure Up Very Unpleasant Things For Me. . .
And Lo, There Shall Come an Unveiling
10 More Land Units!
Whammy, Wowee, Zowee! You've Just Been Pranked!
Road Trip, Redux: California, Here We Come!
All Your Base Are Belong to My Roomies
Highly Impressionable
Little Bit of This, Little Bit of That

Dr. G'ovich

(a.k.a. The Doc, Snake Oil, The Eeeeeevil One)

One of my college roommates, G'ovich (pronounced JEE-oh-vich) holds a doctorate in messing with my mind. One of my best friends in college, our friendship has had its ups and downs over the years, but seems to have stabilized on the positive side of the continuum . . . for now. Likes to play the role of villain, which is fitting, since he is pure Eeeeeevil at heart. Married (to Rocket G'ovich) with three kids

Affiliations: Parkerites, Roomies, PFL

Memorable Catchphrases:
"Two shiny dimes!"
“You realize you aren’t hurting me at all"
"Don't confuse G'ovich with reality."

Significant Storylines
Curse You, G'ovich! (the post)
A Paradox, a Paradox, a Most Ingenious Paradox
Meet the Parkerites Pt.1
The Secret Origin of Cap'n Neurotic
Curse You, G'ovich! (the blog)
First Semester, First Impressions
"Very Bad Things": A G'ovich Guest Post
Trash Talkin' About Trash Talkin'
Crisis on Earth-K!
Yea, Though I Walk Through the Valley of the Center of Eeeeeeeeeeevil
Just to Be Clear: At No Point During This Story Was Anyone Actually Stripped Naked
10 More Land Units!
No Good Deed Goes Unpunished
Whammy, Wowee, Zowee! You've Just Been Pranked!
Road Trip, Redux: California, Here We Come!
All Your Base Are Belong to My Roomies
Saturday at Six Flags Pt.1: The Parkerite Experience